National Anthem.

Let me speak to you.

Breath to you.

Control everything you do.

 

You’re the puppet master,

Of my disasters.

My attention you’ll capture.

 

If I sing a song,

You’ll sing along.

Blending together where we belong.

 

Hold hands in balance.

Even in silence.

Telepathic challenges.

 

You walk to beat.

I walk in heat,

From the dominant pull of you and me.

 

Being apart can kill.

Bending at the other’s will.

Far from chill.

 

We speak of each,

In individual dreams.

As dependent as it seems.

 

Getting closer over time…

I’m your national anthem…

And you’re mine.

Jacani Timeline of October 2011-November 2012

Remember October?
Our anniversary during this month and the other of the four leaf clover.

 

Remember November?

A separation that almost forced us to dismember.

 

Remember December?

We joined a club of children who ran away…became a member.

 

Remember January?
With both our birthdays, between them an anniversary.

 

Remember February?

With Valentine’s and then a day later something contradictory.

 

Remember March?

A month where I spent everyday crying and true suicide starts.

 

Remember April?

I accepted you weren’t coming back, my heart, none being left seemed unbreakable.

 

Remember May?

It’s where you came back yet another time with a promise to stay.

 

Remember June?

This time where we loved each other morning to afternoon.

 

Remember July?

A decision to meet up worked out for the most part, not sure why.

 

Remember August?

Came back together and with out feelings, tried to be modest.

 

Remember September?

When the trouble started to happen, so we sat waiting for October

 

Remember October?

Sure I couldn’t see you on our one year, but our attitude wasn’t longingly sober.

 

Know November?

It’s where we are now, trying to make positive memories to remember.

A (Not So) Daily Dose – November 22, 2012

Thanksgiving? What are you thankful for? How repetitive. It’s actually good to acknowledge what you don’t like. It helps you see what you need to get rid of in your life. It represents the negative and what is worth changing. This is going to be short because I have to stuff my face with macaroni seconds. Realize what you don’t like and do something about it.

– The Tha Geek in the Pink.

Addiction.

Inhale, exhale.

Ever so slowly,

Your scent.

More, more.

I want more,

Of you.

 

Touching, grabbing,

Pulling on,

Your skin.

Taste, feel.

I miss the,

Feel of you.

 

Wanting, needing,

Your dear body.

Against me.

Love. Lust

Both are how,

I feel for you.

 

Hearing, seeing.

Engulf my senses.

I am waiting.

Impatient.

For you to,

Come back soon.

Torturous Arms.

Sometimes I wonder,

If there’s happiness in your arms

Because that’s where I’ve

Been given the most harm

 

That’s where I put my trust,

And my faith and my hope.

But somewhere in there it’s lost

And I get hurt the most.

Oh gee…

Oh gee,

She told her mother.

When she promised,

She wouldn’t tell another….

 

Of my secrets.

But she breaks

What if you can’t trust,

The only person you put it into?

 

It’s a short road towards a hell,

Haven’t lived my life well.

But forget it, not worth the pain.

For this always end up the same.

Deja Vu.

You know where I don’t want to end up?

In another psych unit.

Because I swallowed pills,

Because I felt I had to do it.

 

I don’t want to cry everyday

And have to hide my true feelings.

Be forced to do a therapy.

That’s just a placebo of false feelings.

 

I’m tired of being left.

And being hurt.

And left behind.

Struggling to keep what’s left.

Falling apart.

All the time.

 

So my paradise,

Becomes me sleeping.

Because when I’m awake

I stay weeping.

 

I’m slipping back to my old ways.

Remembering painful past days.

But it’s stress, grades, family,

And not being able to see the only person that loves me.

A (Not So) Daily Dose – November 12, 2012

It’s been a long while since I’ve been here. This one is about a general discrimination of the minority of people. Everyone isn’t heterosexual, everyone isn’t a direct descendent of Europeans, everyone doesn’t have a preferable religion, not everyone is kind towards woman. I’ve brought this up with the realization that I am every minority possible. Except the ratio of children to adults but that’s not something I’m quite sure of. You have to realize that not everyone is apart of the majority. There are people who feel a struggle who you will never feel. Why? Because the whole world is ruled by a false thought of majority.

– The Tha Geek in the Pink.

Too Black for the White Kids, Too White for the Blacks.

Too black for the white kids,

Too white for the blacks.

It’s these categories we put our selves in,

That enables the racists to take us back.

 

If my correct pronunciation turns you off,

Then take yourself back to 1822.

Because we’re rewinding the clock on our own.

Something we can’t afford to do.

 

Ignorance does not equal black,

And intelligence does not equal white.

If those are my only two options,

I’d be gray because neither seems right.

 

Too black for the white kids,

Too white for the blacks.

Something’s got to give,

When our skin color determines how we act.

 

If the loudness of my voice,

Brings up ghetto in your mind,

Then turn yourself away from me,

Because we’re no longer in that time.

 

White does not mean rich.

Black does not mean poor.

Black isn’t always negative.

White doesn’t mean you get more.

 

Too black for the white kids,

Too white for the blacks.

It’s not your skin tone that determines who you are,

It’s the mind that proves what you lack.

 

 

Life’s Just Not Fair.

When I’m awake there’s a burden everywhere.

Keep up with my grades.

Pretend like I care.

Watch my hope fade.

Stick to myself upstairs.

Keep up with my grades,

As in meet the standards of the adults.

Try to get my nostalgic straight A’s.

Being upset with the result,

And being punished to my dismay.

Pretend like I care,

That’s my life’s falling apart.

Or that my friends have troubles with their hair.

Don’t know where to start,

To try and repair…my life.

Watch my hope fade,

As in have less hope in the future.

Watch stuff day by day,

Never changing for the better.

Feel my strength go away.

Stick to myself upstairs,

In my tall town home.

It’s not like I care,

I’d rather be alone.

Remembering how life’s just not fair.